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I've decided that I'm going to start blogging again. I've said this so many times before but this year it ties in with my new years resolutions and I'm quite good at actually keeping those.

I'm not the sort of person that makes resolutions on the night or on New Years Day and then lets them lapse a week later. I tend to take the first two weeks of january to think up two resolutions, usually one silly and one serious, and then I stick to them throughout the year. I've done this the last few years and I do genuinely stick them out... but then I tend to make resolutions like "wear only underwear that makes you feel sexy" and "stop fighting with your sister". This year they've gotten a bit complicated and multi-part.

Resolution 1: To focus on finding and using appropriate coping mechanisms to deal with my stress, anxiety, and depression. Primarily, to do some sort of exercise on a semi-regular basis and to exercise as a relaxation technique when feeling overwhelmed. Also to have more sex, and to blog more often when I am feeling overwhelmed.

Blogging and exercise are both coping methods I used as a teen to deal with my anxieties. Somewhere along the line, I stopped doing anything at all to cope. And then my stresses just heap themselves on my head and I never really deal with anything, I just let it all get on top of me. And that is going to fucking stop right now. I may not be able to stop life from throwing stress at me but I can change how I deal with it.

Resolution 2: Be a nicer person, aka "Be the change you want to see in the world."

It's just nice to be nice. People forget that sometimes so this year I'm going to be nicer.

Back to the exercise thing. I have known for years that I cannot diet. It doesn't work. So I'm going to carry on eating whatever awful shite I feel like, I'm just going to do more exercise. And I'm not going to force myself into any sort of regimen where I must do x or y every day or every week or whatever. I'm going to little bits here and there. I'll pick and choose and if I choose to skip a day or a week I'm not going to assign myself any guilt.

Today's exercise: I walked home from work.

It is fucking freezing out there, incidentally. And now I am going to do some laundry, pick up some rubbish from my room, and then probably do some stretches. We went to london on friday and my thighs and calves are still tight.

Aug. 31st, 2012

Sometimes, things happen for absolutely no good reason. And somethings things happen which are so big and so terrible that they just stop you in your tracks.

I'm not allowed to share any details of this yet, I should be able to give out details in a couple weeks, but I'm not sure. But something big has happened. Something bad. Something that has totally rocked my world, just when things were finally falling into place for me. Just when the future looked good and we were making plans and we were going to have a real life together. And now, this.

I've always been the eternal optimist. I can see the bright side in most situations and I usually steadfastly insist that things are going to turn out okay. But this? I don't know how we're going to deal with this. I honestly cannot see any way out of this. I can't see one single way that our plans for the future can carry on.

I'm really, really scared. And that's hard because I need to be strong, now. I need to keep it together and just keep going. And I'm not sure how anymore.
I deleted my facebook yesterday. Not for any sort of dramatic reason, I just didn't care anymore. I don't really care whats going on with anyone back home, if I need anything I can just email my mom and find stuff out.

I might call her tonight.

Facebook just seemed like a waste of time, I was always checking it and there's never anything interesting on it.
This father's day fucking sucks. My dad has defriended me because of something my sister did, I think he's blocked me because I can't find him to fucking explain myself, she doesn't think she's done anything wrong, as usual.

And I am once again wondering why I bother keeping in touch with anyone back home. Always drama.
Guess that I don't need that though / Now you're just somebody that I used to know.
Texting with Carl (as usual) and we ended up having this conversation, which struck me as oddly funny:

Me: I was looking at art deco hearts. Except I don't know if they are actually art deco.
Carl: Hearts just don't feature in art deco.
Me: No but the swirls and dots seem to. And I like those.
Carl: That would be art nouveau. That came before deco.
Me: I like that you knew what I was on about even though I didn't
Carl: You like art nouveau. I already knew that.
Me: How could you know that when I didnt even know what it was?
Carl: Cause I'm AMAZING!

Things are remaining awesome, for anyone still keeping tabs. And I haven't gotten depressed yet this winter which is incredible.

Carl and I are talking about getting matching tattoos. He wont commit to a when but I'm hoping this summer. We can't get engaged because we can't afford for me to get divorced. But I like the idea of matching tattoos as tangible evidence of our promise.

Mississippi Personhood Amendment

Originally posted by gabrielleabelle at Mississippi Personhood Amendment
Okay, so I don't usually do this, but this is an issue near and dear to me and this is getting very little no attention in the mainstream media.

Mississippi is voting on November 8th on whether to pass Amendment 26, the "Personhood Amendment". This amendment would grant fertilized eggs and fetuses personhood status.

Putting aside the contentious issue of abortion, this would effectively outlaw birth control and criminalize women who have miscarriages. This is not a good thing.

Jackson Women's Health Organization is the only place women can get abortions in the entire state, and they are trying to launch a grassroots movement against this amendment. This doesn't just apply to Mississippi, though, as Personhood USA, the group that introduced this amendment, is trying to introduce identical amendments in all 50 states.

What's more, in Mississippi, this amendment is expected to pass. It even has Mississippi Democrats, including the Attorney General, Jim Hood, backing it.

The reason I'm posting this here is because I made a meager donation to the Jackson Women's Health Organization this morning, and I received a personal email back hours later - on a Sunday - thanking me and noting that I'm one of the first "outside" people to contribute.

So if you sometimes pass on political action because you figure that enough other people will do something to make a difference, make an exception on this one. My RSS reader is near silent on this amendment. I only found out about it through a feminist blog. The mainstream media is not reporting on it.

If there is ever a time to donate or send a letter in protest, this would be it.

What to do?

- Read up on it. Wake Up, Mississippi is the home of the grassroots effort to fight this amendment. Daily Kos also has a thorough story on it.

- If you can afford it, you can donate at the site's link.

- You can contact the Democratic National Committee to see why more of our representatives aren't speaking out against this.

- Like this Facebook page to help spread awareness.

Sometimes I really hate my fucking family.

They will be lucky if I ever set foot in america again.
My landlady really pisses me off. 5 days ago I sent off an email asking if I could move rooms, because some of my housemates are leaving end of august. She wrote back saying yes, of course, no problem. Turns out that 10 days ago a different housemate asked for the same room and she also said yes. So I was all excited about moving rooms for nothing. Stupid bitch.


hum - cat haiku
Entitlement bitches need not apply

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